Few decisions in life are as selfless as the decision to become a surrogate. By providing intended parents the opportunity to bear children, surrogates have a lifelong impact on a growing family.
If you’re considering becoming a surrogate, you will need to enlist the approval and support of your family prior to fully committing to the experience. Here are a few tips to consider when preparing to discuss your decision with your loved ones.
Know the Facts
While it is unlikely that any woman would broach this subject before knowing the details, it is important that she know the specifics before talking to her family. Chances are that your loved ones will have questions for you regarding the surrogacy process.
The more you know, the better you can sway any doubt, and the sooner your loved ones will be on board.
The Sooner the Better
When a woman is seriously considering becoming a surrogate, it is important that she share her plan with her family before beginning the process.
It is appropriate for—and on some level, should be expected that—some family member(s) may be reluctant to accept your decision at first. Their hesitancy makes sense: They will be expected to sacrifice and share their family’s matriarch for nine months!
Introducing the idea to your family early in the process will allow time to adjust, ask questions, and process the information needed to realize what an exceptional idea it truly is.
Consider Separate Talks for Partner and Children
You know your family better than anyone, and you know the best way to talk to your loved ones individually and as a whole. Consider having separate surrogacy discussions with your partner and children.
You and your partner and you and your children have different relationships with you, and will be affected differently by your decision. It’s important to acknowledge how your surrogacy journey will affect them each individually.
Another benefit to separate discussions is having the opportunity to enlist the support of your partner to help assure the kiddos that everything will be okay, and that the gift of life is a wonderful one to give.
Discuss How it Will Impact the Family
Motivations to become a surrogate are generous, awe-inspiring, and pure. However, the commitment is likely to impact your home life, and it’s important to analyze how and why before beginning your journey.
Talk to your partner about how you will need their support, emotionally and physically. Talk to the kids about how you may feel very tired some days, how you may need to hire a caretaker if you are put on bedrest, etc. It’s important to discuss the potential negative impact this may have on your home life, but it’s also important to emphasize how the experience will benefit both the IPs family and yours.
Plan Something Fun for the Family
No woman who chooses to become a surrogate does it for the money, but the monetary compensation is one perk that can benefit the entire family. Perhaps the compensation can go towards a down payment on a house or to add an addition the entire family will enjoy. Other surrogates have shared they used some of the money to take a special vacation to mark the momentous occasion.
Whatever tips or suggestions resonate with the prospective surrogate, you will absolutely need your family’s love and support during the surrogacy. These should help create an open, supportive environment for you to begin your surrogacy journey with your loved ones behind you.